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Severance

115 points by surprisetalk ago | 28 comments

OnionBlender |next [-]

I know this is a joke, but this is why my coworkers and I were muted during the meeting we were laid off.

I received a meeting invite the night before for 9am with two HR people and some middle manager above me that I never met. It was obvious what the meeting was going to be.

pvtmert |next |previous [-]

The "macroeconomic" phrase sounds like $AMZN. Kept hearing this until the new buzzword showed up; AI.

donbox |next |previous [-]

Are cherry09 and steve_ AI agents?

nancyminusone |root |parent |next [-]

I thought they were real people, in a near future where everyone is so dependent on AI that not even a company so callous as to fire by video call would even think of depriving another human the tokens they need to get by.

idle_zealot |root |parent |previous [-]

I think the joke is they all are. It's an autonomous company replicating what it was trained on.

Retr0id |root |parent [-]

Oh, I'm dense. I thought it portrayed a scenario in which tokens were unaffordable to individuals, yet necessary for survival. Kinda like US health insurance.

jaggederest |root |parent [-]

The best satire works at more than one level, I think

tombert |next |previous [-]

One time when I was in one of these calls. It was pretty obvious it was coming, the company wasn't doing great and there were plenty of whispers.

Still, I was pretty upset I was laid off, because it's just not a fun feeling. After the HR person explained the severance and COBRA stuff, I said something to the CTO like "I wish you all the best in trying to save this company, and for the sake of this conversation, let's just pretend I'm not lying". Then I hung up.

I wish I could feel guilty over that, but ultimately they were cutting off my livelihood, they can deal with momentary hurt feelings.

grahamburger |root |parent |next [-]

Ha, that's a good one. At a job 10 years ago or so I had a similar premonition of upcoming layoffs—lots of closed door meetings between the execs, travel and expansion plans getting cancelled, etc. One day my immediate boss, who I genuinely like, walked into my office, closed the door, and told me he was gonna have to lay me off in two weeks. He said if I would handle x,y,z tasks (a few days of work) I could just stop showing up until the layoff day and he'd make sure I got a good severance. Listen, I appreciated this! it still sucked, but he wasn't supposed to tell me at all.

Anyway, a few weeks after the axe dropped, I went to an industry conference (putting out the feelers for a new job, etc) and during the keynote he walked in. I waved, and he came and sat at the table with me. After the speech, we were chatting with the others around the table, and someone asked where I worked. I said something like "well, I'm between jobs. This guy just fired me <thumb jerk towards him>." They laughed, and he squirmed in his chair! But I didn't let him squirm too long, it really wasn't his fault.

Waterluvian |root |parent |next |previous [-]

It's their job to endure the discomfort of having to do the job they're paid to do. It's not your job to make it comfortable for them. That's not to say that there aren't personal or professional consequences for how you conduct yourself. Burning bridges and all that. But I feel that's completely up to you.

outworlder |root |parent |next [-]

As a rule, you shouldn't burn bridges.

But in some occasional cases, the bridges you burn light up the way forward.

marcosdumay |root |parent |previous [-]

It takes a special kind of company for counting it as a burnt bridge for somebody that said "I hope you all fail" and gone away after being fired.

pc86 |root |parent |next [-]

Well the company is an inanimate object and doesn't think anything about anything.

The person you are saying that to, who almost certainly didn't make the decision that you should be laid off, may rightfully view it as someone unable to control their emotions in a difficult moment. This is completely understandable. It's also completely understandable to remember that, and maybe that person is reviewing resumes in the future and doesn't want to work with you because of a brief outburst which does nothing to change anything?

xp84 |root |parent |previous [-]

The company isn't considering it that. After all, it'll probably fail and you almost certainly won't work there. But the people you say it to might think it was pissy.

Participating in the upside of working in the private sector and, more broadly, in any capitalist system, means also participating in the downside risk. Sometimes you'll be out. Don't take it personally, and do your best to jump ship at the point when you think that some bozo is steering the company toward ruin.

01284a7e |root |parent |previous [-]

You should have been straightforward and told them to go fuck themselves. Laying people off by a brief call is for cowards.

pc86 |root |parent [-]

Is a long one better?

Most programming jobs are remote. What's the alternative, exactly?

jihadjihad |next |previous [-]

“What about health insurance?”

“Your enrollment will end on the last day of this month, and we will be providing every affected employee with information about extending their coverage through COBRA.”

“The last day of the month, so, today?”

“Yes, that is correct. On the other hand, our OpenAI and Anthropic accounts are paid quarterly, so you will retain access to your chats and may continue using these tools until the end of September.”

JakeStone |root |parent [-]

During an exit interview as I was going to a new job, they let me know my coverage was good until the end of the month.

Me, never able to not say something stupid, "Got it. Don't get hit by a bus on the 1st."

Dead silence. HR playing ping-pong with their eyes. They eventually told me something like that had happened to a person who'd just left a few months prior to this.

One of these days, I'll learn, yeah?

classified |next |previous [-]

I hope this was made up. But it could actually be real. Satire has a hard time these days reaching the absurdity of reality, let alone surpass it.

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__MatrixMan__ |next |previous [-]

You can always get together, cleanse the code of any IP entanglements, and compete with the company that just laid you off. Calls like this one are a good time to suggest it--even if only to make them squirm.

pavel_lishin |root |parent |next [-]

That assumes that the code itself was what made the company competitive and brought in the money to begin with.

If I were laid off by my current employer, who has a giant sales team and likely thousands of contracts in every state with most of the existing potential clients, the odds of me being able to compete against them somehow dip into negative numbers.

deepsun |root |parent |previous [-]

Legal in California, illegal in New York (typically 2-3 years).

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Animats |next |previous [-]

"Is assisted suicide covered by the severance terms?"

donbox |root |parent [-]

"Absolutely. It's covered through the end of the month, per our generous benefits policy. "

nkg |next |previous [-]

I fell for it!

jiaosdjf |previous [-]

[flagged]

tom_ |root |parent |next [-]

I dunno, man. I just... dunno.

gitpusher |root |parent |next |previous [-]

Corporate culture sucks but, as with most things, comparing it to the Holocaust is both wildly unfunny and incorrect.

kevin_thibedeau |root |parent |previous [-]

> it is legally forbidden to have any morals that get in the way of shareholder profit.

That isn't true. It's just the favored solution chosen by sociopaths who climb to the top. Maximizing value does not require minimizing overhead to the detriment of future value creation.